Dessert with Dinner? Why This Simple Shift Could Transform Your Family Mealtimes
Have your children ever wanted dessert but not eaten their main meal? We’ve all been there. Dessert is a big deal, it’s what they want above all else and it’s what many parents so often find themselves in constant negotiation about.
What if I told you there was a way to reduce mealtime battles, help your children develop a healthier relationship with food and actually make dessert less of a big deal? It might sound too good to be true, but serving dessert alongside dinner, rather than after, could be just what you need to do to create more peaceful mealtimes.
If you’re thinking ‘Won't my child just eat the yogurt/strawberries/ice cream and ignore their vegetables?’ I totally get it. This is what most parents ask me when I first suggest this approach, but here’s why this strategy works and how you can introduce it in your own home.
Why the traditional "Eat your dinner first" approach often backfires
It feels logical to use dessert as the ultimate bargaining chip, for example: Just three more bites of broccoli and then you can have your ice cream, but when we position the dessert as the ‘reward food’ we're accidentally teaching our children that sweet foods are more valuable than other foods. We're creating a hierarchy where the vegetables (or whatever savoury part of the meal you want them to eat) become the ‘task food’ or the chore/punishment they have to endure to get to the good stuff.
This can lead to children rushing through dinner without paying attention to their hunger cues, eating beyond fullness just to earn their treat, or becoming fixated on dessert throughout the entire meal.
However, when you place that small portion of dessert on the dinner table right there alongside the main meal, you're leveling the playing field. Suddenly, dessert isn't this coveted prize, it's just another food that's part of the meal.
This approach is recommended by many paediatric nutrition professionals because helps children learn to see all foods neutrally. Over time, you'll likely notice that your child becomes less obsessed with sweet treats because they're no longer forbidden or positioned as something special that they have to earn.
The benefits of serving dessert with dinner:
Reduced mealtime stress: No more constant questions about "When can I have dessert?" or negotiations about how many bites are needed. The dessert is right there, removing the anticipation and anxiety that often accompanies traditional dessert timing.
Improved eating habits: Without the pressure to rush through dinner to get to dessert, children naturally slow down and tune into their hunger and fullness cues. They learn to eat at their own pace and stop when they're satisfied. They might have some of the dessert foods, then go back to eating the savoury meal and that’s fine too.
Better relationships with food: Perhaps most importantly, this approach helps children develop a healthier relationship with all foods. No food becomes ‘good’ or ‘bad’. All foods are equal they just serve different purposes in nourishing our bodies.
More adventurous eating: When the pressure around dessert is removed, many parents notice their children become more willing to try new foods and eat a greater variety at meals.
How to make this work for you
Start small: Offer just a small portion of dessert to ensure that it doesn't overwhelm the whole meal.
Keep it casual: The key is to present dessert as just another part of the meal. Don't make a big announcement or treat it as anything special. Simply place it on the table alongside everything else.
Be consistent but not predictable: Include dessert with dinner regularly, but not every single night. This helps prevent children from expecting dessert with every meal while normalising the practice.
Stay neutral: Resist the urge to comment on what your child eats first or how much of each food they consume. Trust that they'll balance their intake over time.
Set boundaries: If your child asks for more dessert stay calm and be clear that while dessert is part of the meal there is no going back for more, to help teach your child about moderation.
Managing expectations
You’ll probably find that, initially, your child might zoon straight in on the dessert and ignore everything else you’re offering at the meal. This is completely normal and to be expected. If they’re used to dessert being the ‘special’ food it will take time for that novelty to wear off. Most parents report that within a few weeks of trying a new approach like this, their children begin to eat more balanced meals.
Transforming your child’s relationship with food doesn't happen overnight. Stay consistent and be patient.
Ready to discover more strategies that will help you create calm, peaceful mealtimes? Download my free guide How to have stress-free mealtimes and discover the 5 simple steps that will help you stay relaxed about food so that the whole family eats well and you can finally enjoy mealtimes - without meltdowns! Get the guide here.