What’s Your Feeding Legacy?
Most parents I meet spend a lot of time thinking about what they feed their children: making sure they get enough vegetables, limiting sugar and trying (sometimes unsuccessfully) to introduce new foods to get variety and nutrients ‘in’. There tends to be little, if any, focus on how they feed their children and where their food parenting approach might come from.
The way we parent around food is deeply influenced by our own childhood experiences. The family dinner table from your past, whether enjoyable, stressful or somewhere in between, has likely shaped the way you navigate mealtimes with your own children. This is your feeding legacy and whether you realise it or not, you are passing it on to the next generation.
Reflecting on your childhood food experiences
Take a moment to think back to your own childhood mealtimes. What were they like - were they rigid and rule-bound or flexible and relaxed? Was food ever used as a reward or punishment? Did you have to finish everything on your plate? Were you or your siblings a picky eater and how did your parents manage that? Do you remember arguments over food or was eating an enjoyable experience?
Many of us grew up with well-meaning parents who had their own ideas about nutrition, control and what a ‘good eater’ should be. Some of us may have been pressured to eat foods we didn’t like, while others may have had limited access to certain foods, making them feel forbidden or extra special.
These early experiences shape our beliefs about food and our own eating habits as adults. They also influence how we interact with our children around food. If we grew up feeling restricted, we may swing in the opposite direction and give our children unlimited choices, or offer food at every opportunity. If we grew up with rigid food rules, we might unconsciously repeat them with our own kids.
How does your feeding legacy impact your child?
Your approach to feeding isn’t just about nutrition. It plays a crucial role in shaping your child’s lifelong relationship with food. Here are some common feeding styles and how they can affect children:
The clean plate club: If you were taught to finish everything on your plate you might find yourself insisting your child does the same. While this comes from a place of good intention, it can override a child’s natural hunger and fullness cues, leading to a disconnect from their body’s signals.
The veggies first rule: If vegetables were presented as a chore rather than a delicious part of a meal, you might unknowingly create resistance toward them. Kids learn to view them as the task food, the ‘yucky’ thing they have to get through before enjoying the ‘good’ stuff. (Read more about food hierarchy).
The junk-free household: If certain foods were strictly off-limits you may have grown up sneaking treats or feeling guilt around eating them. If we completely ban foods from our children, we risk making them even more desirable as they grow up and gain more independence around food choices outside of the home.
Using food for comfort: If food was used to soothe emotions or as a reward for good behaviour, your child may learn to associate eating with feelings rather than hunger, making emotional eating more likely in the future.
Creating a positive feeding legacy
The good news is that we have the power to be intentional about the feeding legacy we pass down. Here are some ways you can nurture a healthy, balanced relationship with food for your children:
Respect their appetite: Trust that your child knows their hunger and fullness cues better than anyone else. Encourage them to listen to their bodies rather than external rules about how much they should eat.
Neutralise all foods: Instead of labeling foods as good or bad, teach balance. Yes fruits and vegetables are important but biscuits and ice cream have a place too. Show your child that all foods can fit into a healthy lifestyle.
Make mealtimes enjoyable: Create a relaxed, pressure-free environment at the table. Engage in conversation, eat together wherever possible and avoid turning meals into battles.
Encourage food curiosity: Instead of insisting your child tries new foods, invite them to explore different smells and textures through food preparation, cooking or simply talking about foods without any pressure to actually eat them. Follow your child’s lead and let them decide if they want to try something new.
Be a positive role model: Actions speak louder than words when it comes to healthy eating. Children learn far more from what they see us do than what we say so avoid educational messages about nutrition. If they see you sitting down to eat mindfully, regularly and enjoying variety, they are more likely to develop a healthy relationship with food.
Your feeding legacy starts today!
It’s never too late to change the way we approach food in our homes. By reflecting on our own upbringing and making conscious choices about how we feed our children, we can break cycles that no longer serve us and create a feeding legacy that supports health, enjoyment and connection.
Ask yourself: what do you remember most about family mealtimes from your childhood? What do you want your children to remember about mealtimes when they grow up? How do you want them to feel about food and their bodies? It can be helpful to schedule a quiet 10 minutes with your partner and go through these questions together, as it’s very likely you both bring different experiences to your food parenting.
So the next time you sit down for a meal with your child, take a deep breath and remember that you are shaping something bigger than just what’s on their plate. You are shaping their lifelong relationship with food and that’s a legacy worth building.
If you’re tired of mealtimes feeling like a constant struggle and are looking for more support, get your free copy of ‘How to have stress-free mealtimes’ where I share 5 simple yet powerful steps to help you stay positive around food, so you can turn your dinner table into a place of enjoyment and connection. Get the guide here.