Why do everyone else's kids eat better than mine? How to stop comparisons in food parenting
You know that sinking feeling when you see another parent's Instagram story of their child happily eating kale chips while yours refuses to touch anything green? Or at birthday parties, watching other children sit and eat the sandwiches beautifully while yours goes mad for the cake or refuses to eat anything at all?
If you've spiralled into self-doubt over how your child eats compared to others, you're not alone. Comparing is natural. It’s thought our brains are wired to assess how we're doing by looking at others. But modern parenting makes this toxic. We're constantly exposed to curated highlight reels through social media, seeing ‘perfect’ eaters while the rejected meals, food negotiations and meltdowns happening behind the scenes are all but forgotten.
Our brains have a negativity bias which means we naturally focus on what's wrong rather than what's right, for example, when your child refuses dinner the negative moment becomes magnified and overshadows any positive experiences. This makes comparisons particularly painful.
5 ways to stop the comparison trap
1. Reframe ‘should’ statements: Notice when you think things like: My child should eat like that or I should be serving fresh home-cooked meals every night. The truth is there is no normal parenting or secret rulebook. Those ‘shoulds’ just make you feel bad and keep you stuck trying to meet someone else's standards instead of finding what works for your family.
2. Focus on what is going well: Instead of dwelling on one rejected meal, or a sore tummy after your child scoffed half a packet of biscuits, celebrate the positive moments – maybe you had a fun family mealtime with friends or they tried a new type of cereal. In any context not just food and feeding, if we focus on what our life isn't, we can miss the beauty of what it is.
3. Modify your social media feed: Many of the parents I work with reach out for help after social media makes them question their food parenting and if they are doing it ‘right’. Notice the feelings that arise as you’re scrolling and unfollow anyone that produces content which makes you feel inadequate or bad about yourself in any way, you just don't need it in your life!
4. Remember your child’s is an individual: Your child has their own temperament, sensitivities and food history. What is the norm for one child might cause distress for another and, when it comes to picky eating, children learn about food at different rates. Understand and respect what is going on for your child and support them through the things you can control, like mealtime environment and keeping the pressure off.
5. Take a step back: When feeding feels hard and you find yourself overwhelmed with worry about your child’s eating, zoom out and look at the bigger picture. How are they with friendships? How is their sleep? Are they happy? Do they have energy to run around and play? Feeding is just one part of parenting so be mindful not to let it overshadow everything else.
What are your triggers?
Awareness is always key to making any successful change, so notice your comparison triggers. When does it happen? Which people or situations set you off? Are you more vulnerable at certain times of day? Try keeping a diary of how you’re feeling, or just note down your observations. Seeing things in black and white can help you understand where to focus your energy. You might discover specific social media accounts, certain friends or family members or particular times like breakfast or parties trigger these feelings.
Remember: Your child doesn't need to eat like anyone else's child. They need support, love and pressure-free, enjoyable eating opportunities. When you stop comparing and start trusting, both yourself and your child, mealtimes become less about performance and more about connection.
Ready to stop the comparison trap? Download ‘How to have stress-free mealtimes’ for free and discover 5 simple steps that will help you stay relaxed about food so your whole family eats well and enjoys calm, peaceful mealtimes. Get the guide here.