From Mealtime Stress to Success

I’m a firm believer that food is one of life’s pleasures. So why then can feeding children be so stressful? Nine out of ten parents who reach out to me want help with their children’s picky eating. They tell me they dread mealtimes and, after trying every trick in the book, are at the end of their tether with trying to get their children to eat. Perhaps this sounds familiar.

If so, you may be relieved to hear that it’s perfectly normal for children’s eating to be unpredictable. One day they eat for England, the next day they don’t touch a thing, right?! Picky eating behaviour is common and can start anytime from around 12-18 months, usually peaking around the age of two years and coinciding with a toddler’s increasing cautiousness and need for control, attention and independence.

Even with this in mind, its often hard to accept, and trust, that children are good at knowing what they need. They are born with the amazing ability to self-regulate and usually what they don’t eat at one meal they either make up at the next, or in the following days. Over the week it usually balances out. Keeping a food record can be really helpful to see in black and what a child is actually eating – very often parents tell me that doing this is hugely reassuring.

However, what I promote more than healthy eating, is healthy mealtime dynamics. This means eating with your child and removing all pressure which includes stopping any tactics to try and get them to eat. Research shows that the more a child is pressured to eat, the less they eat – the very opposite of what you set out to achieve. Positive mealtime dynamics means making eating an enjoyable experience. It means being tuned in to what could be getting in the way of your child’s eating. Could it be tiredness, lack of hunger, pain, distraction, or that they’re feeling uncomfortable, stressed or anxious?

Anxiety at mealtimes could be due to past negative experiences with food or feeding, a response to pressure or stress at meals, or a symptom of other emotions a child might be experiencing. You may know yourself how your appetite changes if you’re feeling nervous or worried. Right now, when things are particularly challenging for children (and of course parents) changes in eating behaviour may, for some children, be a way of expressing that they are struggling.

Sometimes I think we can be so caught up in the destination, that we can overlook the journey. But, as I often say to parents, it’s far better to have a child eat very little and be happy at mealtimes, than have them eat lots under pressure alongside tears and tantrums. Which would you prefer?

I love supporting parents on their journey towards happier family mealtimes. If you’re interested in finding out how I could help you please feel free to get in touch.